[J-216] A Love Game
零蛋赛局/性爱游戏
Tit,
a tennis fan, had a chat with Pip, a fan of pop music. The best part of
their chat went something like this:
Tit:
I adore Nadal. He often plays love games and beats the best of
players.
Pip:
Does he, really? Where does he do it?
Tit:
Why, on tennis courts, of course.
Pip:
On tennis courts, really? He'll beat Lady Gaga, then.
Tit:
Is Lady Gaga also a tennis player?
Pip: She's
a penis player, I think. She has all the itch
to play a love game. On the stage she sings “I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.” However, she does not even ride a
broomstick on any tennis court.
Tit: She'll
never play a love game, then. Even if she wears red lipstick and makes
herself a candlestick, she is no rival to Nadal in playing love games.
[译注]
提特 (一个网球迷) 跟皮普 (一个流行音乐迷) 有一次闲谈，他们闲谈的最佳片断大抵像这样进行着：
提：我崇拜纳达尔。他常常打出「赏给零蛋的赛局」/玩出性爱的游戏，打败最好的球员/玩家。
皮：他真的那样吗？他在哪儿做那个呢？
提：哎，当然在网球场上啰。
皮：在网球场上，真的吗？那么，他会打败女神卡卡了。
提：女神卡卡也是玩网球的人吗？
皮：我想她是玩阳物的人。她全身发痒，想要玩一场性爱游戏。在舞台上，她唱说「我要骑上你的弟斯可棒。」可是，她连一根扫帚柄也没骑到网球场上。
提：那么，她将永远不会打出赏给零蛋的赛局/玩出性爱的游戏。即使她擦了口红而把自己弄成蜡蠋台/给自己造一支蜡烛台，在打零蛋赛局/玩性爱游戏方面，她也不是纳达尔的对手。
注：1. 本笑话的笑点在于： Tit 心中的 “love game” 是网球比赛「赏给对手零蛋 (没得分/得零分) 的一局」，可是 Pip 心中的 “love game” 却是「性爱的游戏」。
2. Nadal (纳达尔) 是当今世界上最出色的网球名将之一，他和 Federer 齐名。
3. Lady Gaga (女神卡卡/嘎嘎小姐/蕾蒂嘎嘎) 是美国流行歌手，她出了一条挑逗性爱的歌曲叫 “Love Game” 歌词中有 “I wanna take a ride on your disco stick” 一句。
4. disco (迪斯科) 原是一种舞曲，后指让人跳 disco 的夜总会 (nightclub) 或舞厅。
5. disco stick (迪斯科棒) 是一种跳 disco 时所用的荧光棒 (glow
stick/ light stick) 。有人把那荧光棒中的荧光剂倒在自己的 penis (阴茎/阳物) 上发光，用来激发「性趣」，因此 disco stick (弟斯可棒) 变成男人「那话儿/那根棒」的代用语。 Lady Gaga 唱的「我要骑你的 disco
stick」，其实指的是「我要骑你的那根棒」，不过也有人说那指的是「我要骑你的麦克风
(microphone)」(舞台上会见到的歌手动作)。
6. ride a broomstick (骑扫帚柄) 是西方人认定的女巫 (witch) 的形象。
7. “make herself a candlestick” 有 “turn herself into a candlestick” (使她自己成为蜡烛台)，和 “make a candlestick for herself” (为她自己造一支蜡烛台) 之双重含义。 “Candlestick” (蜡烛台)是 “candle-holder” (持放蜡烛的盘、架)，有「持放阴茎」之色情含义。“Candlestick” 的 “stick” 不是「棒」，而是「黏着依附」的意思。
[复习填充]
Tit,
a tennis fan, had a chat ____ Pip, a fan of p____ music. The best part
of their chat went s____ like this:
Tit:
I a____ Nadal. He often plays love games and ____ the best of players.
Pip:
Does he, r____? Where does he do ____?
Tit:
Why, ____ tennis courts, of course.
Pip:
On tennis courts, r____? He'll beat Lady Gaga, th____.
Tit:
Is Lady Gaga al____ a tennis player?
Pip: She's
a p____ player, I think. She has all the i____ to play a love game.
On the stage she sings “I wanna take a r____ on your disco s____.” However, she does not even ride a
b____ on any tennis court.
Tit: She'll
n____ play a love game, then. Even if she w____ red lipstick and makes
h____ a candlestick, she is no r____ to Nadal in playing love games.